Why? Why make this movie? Why film another origin story, an origin story that we are all very aware of, if you're not going to add something new of interest? Why set it in a science magnet high school yet make the characters people who would never attend such a school or act like they're ready to graduate college? Why tease a master mind villain at the end but not give enough clues for even the biggest comic geek to guess who it's supposed to be? This movie was a two and a half hour boring, frustrating, mess.
I understand that Sony needed to make a Spider-Man movie or they lost the rights to the character, but why rehash ground we have already gone over? You don't have to re-boot the franchise with another origin story. 10 years-ago it felt fresh because we had never seen the familiar Spider-Man origin story on film, but this time it was boring as hell. The first hour and a half of this film is so painfully boring I have no idea how I got through it. The film makers had zero to add to the story, so why retell it? This movie could have easily started with Spider-Man already fighting crime, we could have been reminded through dialogue and quick flashbacks about his origin, and then would have been left more time for some action or maybe actually building a connection between Peter and Gwen.
Of course, that's assuming the writer could have written a connection between the two. The movie was so horribly absurd and poorly constructed, I have very little faith he could accomplish that. The plot had bigger holes then the Osbourn building Curtis Conners had to climb at the end of the film. The characters motives were so ridiculous, random and unclear it was impossible to enjoy the movie at all. Was Conners an evil scientist or not? Why was Flash, a stupid jock who bullies nerds, at a science focused magnet school? Why was a high school student the head of the intern program at a huge science lab? What happened to make us actually believe that Peter and Gwen are in love after one awkward date? How did Peter know how to make an antidote? Who knew reptile DNA contains the evil gene? That's not even mentioning all the absolutely stupid scenes, Peter dunking the basketball, all the construction guys lining up the beams for Spider-Man, Peter's Footloose moment at the abandoned boat house.
In a summer that has a movie right out of a comic boy's wet dreams and a movie that wraps up the best made series of comic movies ever made, this attempt to re-boot Spider-Man is a profound disappointment. There is nothing memorable or worthy about it. As flawed as the second and third Sam Raimi films are, if you're looking for a Spider-Man movie, ignore this mess and rent the original. You'll be much more entertained.
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