Top 5: Vampire Books

In a world where the vampire novel has reached the point of saturation, I guess it’s time for me to list the top 5 most enjoyable of them that I have read.  With so many horrible vampire stories out there, picking out 5 excellent ones is a lot harder then one would think.  It would have been much easier to list the top 5 worst vampire novels, but I’m trying to be more positive.  The other thing I learned from doing research for this list is that I’m not as read in the genre as I may have thought I was.  There are a number of books that probably should be on this list that aren’t because I haven’t read them yet.  Salem’s Lot, Let the Right One In, Moth Diaries, I am Legend and Fevre Dreams are all books on my to be read list.  My top 5 list is best novels, not best series, so I have tried to pick one book, the one I think is the best, to represent the best that any series of books may have to offer.  Other then that, anything with a vampire in it qualifies.  Here’s my top 5…

5)      The Strain by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan

                        This is the only book I’ve read in the series so by default it’s the book that makes my list.  What I love about this book is that it bucks the trend of the modern vampire story by removing the humanity of the creature.  More like zombies that suck blood, the vampires in The Strain don’t talk or fall in love or brood over existential dilemmas as has become cliché.  This is a horror story, not a romance novel or a teen drama, and it’s done really well and that is what I love about it

4)      Children of the Night by Dan Simmons

                        As I’m sure I’ve mentioned many times on this blog, Dan Simmons is one of my all time favorite writers and never seems to get his proper due in any list of the best contemporary authors.  This is his stab at the vampire story and in typical Simmons style, it is as much grounded in reality as a vampire story can.  Simmons does a wonderful job mixing biology and genetics into the vampire myth.  With strong characters, interesting science and a tight story, Simmons has created a vampire story that is more action thriller then horror.

            3)  The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

                        I’m not sure how to write about this novel without a spoiler.  I guess just putting it on this list is in essence a spoiler.  The Historian is a vampire story for people who aren’t big fans of vampire stories.  The whole story plays out as a historical mystery as a modern character follows up the research left behind by her father searching for Vlad the Impaler’s tomb.  The novel is a wonderful historical journey through Eastern Europe.  The descriptions are beautiful, the mysteries are intriguing, and the action is compelling.  The novel is as much Indiana Jones as it is vampire, maybe even more so, but that’s what makes it such a fun and interesting read.

2)      Memnoch the Devil by Ann Rice

                        This is the novel I am using to represent the Ann Rice series of vampire stories, a series that I have a very love hate relationship with.  This is the series that can be credited with launching the vampire craze we have today.  Rice’s depiction of vampires has become the industry standard.  The idea of the sad brooding sex crazed creature came from Rice and has been stolen by hundreds.  Without Rice there is no Twilight or Vampire Diaries or countless numbers of cheesy romance novels.  The series started out great, reached a pinnacle with Memnoch and then devolved quickly into horrible gratuitous sex tales.  While Interview with the Vampire or The Vampire Lestat might be better choices for this list because they deal more with the vampire traits Rice has made famous, I’m using Memnoch the Devil because it is my favorite.  Lestat gets drafted by the Devil to take over his kingdom and a deep and interesting religious debate ensues.  I find it to be the most interesting subject matter of any of her vampire novels and contains some crazy ideas that make for great reading.

1)      Dracula by Bram Stoker

                        Is there any doubt that this has to be number one?  It may not be the most well written piece of literature, but really without Dracula there is no vampire craze at all.  This is the one that started it all and because of that has earned a spot on the top of the hill.  Still a great monster story over 100 years later, this is the quintessential vampire story.

Honorable Mentions: Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris, The Vampire Lestat by Ann Rice, The Passage by Justin Cronin.

How I Met Your Mother: Farhampton

     So I've reached a point where I have a small dilemma writing about this show.  Up until last season I went into every episode wanting to see a great half-hour of comedy and storytelling, but then slowly over the course of a horrible season I lost that enthusiasm.  I'm now at a point where I find it hard to write about the show because I go into each episode with a huge negative bias.  Even with a whole summer between episodes it only took a matter of minutes for me to remember why I disliked this show so much last season.  I hate where all the characters are.  I hate where all the characters seem to be going.  I'm tired of the writers little tricks.  And the show just isn't funny any more.
     The season started off with another disruption of time, a HIMYM technique that has made the show as hard to follow as an episode of Lost.  I don't want to spend my time watching the show trying to figure out when exactly everything is happening.  They pulled another bait and switch, one that we all knew was coming, but still, by not even taking a full episode to write off Victoria.  And they ended with yet another tease of Ted meeting his wife.  We've seen so many of these teases at this point, they have a negative effect on my viewing.  Instead of getting excited or giddy, I get really pissed off.
     As far as the jokes went, the Marshal and Lilly "new parent" bit was flatter then week old soda, Barney's seduction of the German bodyguard was stupid and it seemed like they couldn't decide whether the Ted and Victoria angle was supposed to be funny or drama, so it ended up being neither, and if I here another joke out of Ted's mouth about his story telling I'm going to put my fist through my TV.  Ironically, after that last comment, the only thing that worked was Barney's 52 second summation of the show up until this point.
     I had very small hopes for this season, but there was a part of me that thought maybe because this looks like the last season, HIMYM might end strong.  If this season opener is any sign, that little bit of hope is gone.  HIMYM is looking like it's heading towards a Red Sox or Dolphin like season. 0-1!

Book Review: The Templars and the Ark of the Covenant: The Discovery of the Treasure of Solomon by Graham Phillips (48 in 2012? #31)

            I picked this book up at a time, years ago, when I was enthralled by the idea of the Templars and the many secrets that have followed them through the ages.  Although many of those secrets are more conspiracy then truth, I find the stories of the Templars endlessly intriguing and can’t help but wonder what the truth is behind many of the tales.  Books like Holy Blood, Holy Grail left me with a huge thirst for more stories about this mysterious group of soldiers for God.  Unfortunately, this book has very little to do with the history of the Templars or any secrets they may have carried with them.  Although the Ark of the Covenant comes second in the title, this book deals solely with the author’s quest to find the illusive relic of Old Testament lore.

            The book is very much split into two parts.  The first is a study of the Old Testament and what may have actually happened that the authors confused for acts of God, and a search for the Ark of the Covenant and the real site of Mount Sini.  The second is the description of a treasure hunt in England for what may be actual relics from the Ark.  It is only in this second part that we get a mention of the Templars and as much as their history leads Phillips to the hunt, it is really only a few pages that contain any real tales of the Templars.  Most of the hunt is led by clues from a more modern English man who seems to have found the relics first, yet nobody believed him so he hid them again.

            Just because the book has a misleading title doesn’t mean it lacked interesting subject matter.  Graham Phillips has spelled out a wonderful breakdown of Old Testament stories and what may have really happened.  His theories on the Plagues of Egypt are incredible interesting and plausible and his search for Mount Sini is nothing short of exciting.  His arguments are easy to follow and well constructed.  I don’t have enough of a background in ancient history to say that there is validity to his findings, but one can’t help but find them interesting none the less.  The hunt for the relics is exciting in its own way, with some of the events of the hunt mystifying.

            Though the book lacks much of a satisfying conclusion, and as I stated earlier, has an extremely misleading title, it was still a very enjoyable read.  With any of these types of books it’s hard to know how valid the research is, but that really doesn’t take away from their fun.  Even as theories the ideas brought up are crazy interesting and highly enjoyable.  If you’re interested at all in ancient history, this is an easy and interesting read that opens up tons of questions and hours of thought.

Big Brother 14: The Last Post

     In any other season I would have no problem with Ian winning the big prize.  He played a solid game, made some big moves when needed, he helped form the season's best alliance, he won the challenges he needed to win to stay in the game.  But it was like Ted Williams hitting .400 the year DiMaggio went on his hitting streak or Pulp Fiction coming out the same year as Forrest Gump because Dan played the one of the greatest games in Big Brother history, second only to Dr. Will in season two, a performance that defined how the game would be played.  Dan should have won, hands down, no questions asked.  It was masterful to watch him work and that should have been rewarded.  Of course there was one fact that I think played a major factor in how the final votes were cast that wasn't mentioned in any of the final CBS broadcasts, Dan has won before.  I'm pretty sure the only reason so many gave their final vote to Ian was because he played an admirable game and Dan has already won, so why not give the big prize to the awkward super fan.  It's the only thought that makes me rationalize Jenn and Britney's votes.  It was obvious that Joe, Frank and Shane were going to vote Ian because, as Wil put it, they couldn't admit that they were just as much at fault for believing Dan then Dan lying to them.  And who the hell ever knows what Ashley is going to do.  I had the votes at 4-4 with Ashley making the deciding vote.  But I was way off.  The big question is, when all is said and done, what will be remembered about this season?  That Ian won?  Or that Dan pulled off one of the greatest performances in BB history?  Does anyone remember who won Evil Dick's season?  It wasn't Dick...

Top 5: Alcohol Songs

These Top 5 lists were supposed to be the center piece of this blog, but I’ve strayed completely away from.  I’ve gotten way to lazy… or busy with things that actually pay bills… all depends on how you look at it I guess.  Anyway, I’m going to try to get more focused and try to make these lists more regular, but in all honesty don’t hold your breath.  In the mean time, I’m bringing back my top 5 lists with Top 5 Songs About Alcohol.  I’ve paired things down quite a bit by outlawing crappy country and anything written by Jimmy Buffet.  Between the two there must be hundreds of songs about booze, but all of them suck.  So, here’s my top 5…

5) One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer – George Thorogood

Best lyric: “Now by this time I’m plenty high, you know when your mouth a-getting dry you’re plenty high”

Ok, I know this one is slightly blasphemy.  I know it’s a John Lee Hooker song, but this is the version I grew up listening to, so it’s the one I’m putting on the list.  It’s a great example of a song telling a great story.  And also deals with one of our favorite reasons to drink… wash away our sorrows.

4) Brass Monkey – Beastie Boys

            Best lyric: “We’re offered Moet- we don’t mind Chivas- wherever we go we bring the monkey with us”

           

This is a great party song as well as a great alcohol song.  Nothing gets the ladies on the dance floor quicker then old school Beasties and this is one of the best.  Brass Monkey is a drink that is one part dark rum, one part vodka, one part orange juice.  It’s also a great song about alcohol.

3) Drinkin – Reel Big Fish

            Best lyric: “I’ve got a friend.  He’s in my hand.  He understands.  He said everything won’t be so bad”

            There is many a teenager that will argue with me that this isn’t Reel Big Fish’s best song about alcohol, but they are wrong.  Yes, I’ve been to the shows.  I’ve heard all you underage kids call out endlessly for “Beer” but the thing is that song isn’t about alcohol as much as it is an ex-girlfriend.  “Drinkin” on the other hand is a quality song about drinking your sorrows away.  Reel Big Fish has a bunch of alcohol songs but in my opinion this is the best.

2) Plastic Cup Politics – Less Than Jake

            Best lyric: “Hello Mr. six pack of confidence, glad to see you’ve already met Ms. twelve ounces of loneliness”

            Ska music is filled with beer songs, is seems to go with the up-beat party atmosphere the music brings with it.  This one tries to tackle the subject with a little more sobriety.  As with many third wave tunes, the happy music belies a much darker message about the effect alcohol has on how we interact with one another.  Some may find it heavy handed, but I think it’s clever.

1) Alcohol – Barenaked Ladies

            Best lyric “But know I know that there’s a time and there’s a place where I can choose to walk the fine line between self-control and self-abuse”

            This is by far the greatest song about alcohol ever written.  Is it a homage to booze?  Is it a tongue-in-cheek attack on people who lose control drinking?  Does it really matter because it’s a great song no matter how you interpret it?  The Barenaked Ladies are one of the cleverest lyricists out there and this is just another example of how great they are.  And, no matter what else the song may be saying, it’s a song that makes you want to get up and sing at the top of your lungs.  And any song that does that every time you hear it is a fantastic song.

Honorable mentions: Red, Red Wine – UB40, Tequila – The Champs, Girls Against Drunk Bitches – Big D and The Kids Table

What are your top 5?

Book Review: The Wild Palms by William Faulkner (48 in 2012? #30)

            I’ve come to find that I tend to read as two different people, the writer and the reader.  What each of these personalities likes and appreciates in a novel can be completely different.  The reader is looking for plot and character, a fun story with interesting characters that pulls me into the book and prevents me from putting it down.  The writer is looking for technique and word use, a well structured sentence or paragraph with deep description and intriguing word choice that leaves me in awe.  In a few very rare occasions there is a novel that appeals to both the reader and the writer, but usually if the reader is enthralled the writer isn’t all that impressed and if the writer is in awe the reader is left with a headache.  There is no doubt that William Faulkner is an author that appeals solely to the writer in me because the reader struggled with every minute I spent with Wild Palms.

            It was obvious from the first page that Faulkner was an author writing on a different plane then most I am use to reading.  His style is very stream of conscience, with long complicated sentences and flowery word choice.  One can’t breeze through a Faulkner sentence.  You need to take it slowly, soaking in every word and punctuation, because it won’t end where it started, nor will the journey be a straight line.  In Wild Palms, he seems to have thrown a parenthesis into every sentence, breaking the flow of thought to jump around in time and story.  It’s a technique that makes the novel hard to read and enjoy, but one that forces you to read closely and pay attention to every thing that occurs.  It’s something the writer in me can’t help but admire.  Reading someone like Faulkner as a writer can prove to be a slightly depressing exercise, because I know I will never be able to write a story with such a sense of art.

I’ll admit, I’m far from a fan of the stream of conscience style of story telling, yet I found Wild Palms to have more for the reader in me then anything written by Virginia Wolfe.  As much as Faulkner makes you work, there is something more accessible in this novel then I have found in most stream of conscience stories.  It may have been painful, and it may be a while before I choose to tackle another Faulkner novel, but nothing in Wild Palms made me swear off his work.  It certainly isn’t for the faint of heart, but there are enough enjoyable moments to give him another try.  If you are looking for light fun fare, Faulkner will never be for you, but if you are looking for a challenge, a story that you may admire more then enjoy, give Wild Palms a try.

Big Brother 14: Off What?

     I'm finding it hard to get these things up, so I'm skipping the live eviction journal this week and just doing a summation of my thoughts on what was easily the best episode of the season.  The look on Danielle's face when Dan got rid of Shane was amazing.  In all honesty, I don't know if I should be lauding Dan as a great player or deriding Danielle and Shane for being so stupid.  Dan pulled off the biggest move of the season, bigger then getting himself off the block, and while it certainly took a great deal of skill to pull off, I'm not sure anyone but Danielle would have fallen for it.  I'm sure some will argue that it was a season long's amount of work building trust with Danielle that allowed Dan to trick her like that, but I just think she's stupid. 
     What rational reason was there for her to take Dan off the block?  She knew he wasn't going home.  Shane was voting Ian.  So why would Dan want to be off the block?  That should have been a huge red flag for her and if she was smart at all she would have been adamant that Dan was safe and she was keeping her nominations no matter what he said.  I just don't understand why she thought Dan had a need to be off the block other then to have control of who went home.
     Let's not leave Shane out of the conversation either.  My favorite quote of the season so far was when Danielle brought the idea of taking Dan off the block up by asking, "Should we take Dan off?"  And Shane's reply was, "Off what?"  I don't know, you idiot, maybe it has something to do with the game you've been totally immersed in the last month or so.  As much as I don't understand why Danielle went along with this scheme, I understand even less why Shane did.  I don't care how much I trust someone, if they are deciding to put me on the block in such a fashion, I'm yelling at them not to.  Shane just sat there and said whatever you want, Danielle.  Why would you put your fate in someone's hands like that.  I would have not left her side for a second after she brought it up, making sure she realized how stupid and needless the move was.  Shane has no one to blame for going home but himself.
     Almost as precious as the look on Danielle's face, was Ian's realization of what was going on.  When Danielle pulled Dan off the block, you could see the amazement and relief in Ian's face because he knew he went from being voted out to still in the game.
     Dan is exactly in the spot he wants to be in.  If Ian wins, he most likely keeps Dan around.  If Danielle wins, she most likely keeps Dan around.  If Dan wins, he takes Danielle with him.  He has a lot of blood on his hands, so he knows his chances of getting jury votes is probably slim, but he has pretty much guaranteed that he at the very least wins second place money.  He played a pretty perfect season and should now go down as one of the best Big Brother players ever!

Big Brother 14: Some More Rankings

Things are getting busy, so it's getting harder and harder for me to post.  I had to skip an eviction journal, but really there wasn't much to say.  There were a couple of surprise nominations, but things still went pretty much as one would have expected.  The big question now is will Dan's constant over thinking of the game bite him in the ass?  I don't know why he keeps making things more complicated then they are.  He had the perfect opportunity to get rid of Shane and didn't.  He keeps talking about backstabbing people, but he's doing a horrible job of it.
My other question is, has there ever been a Pandora's Box that has been turned down?  If I was Ian I would have passed a message from a loved one up.  He has what, three weeks left?  Wait it out!  Instead we all get stuck with another Rachel siting.  Isn't her 15 seconds up yet?  God forbid Big Brother go a season without showing that waste of life.  I'd rather see the Kardashians get another reality show then have to watch two more minutes of Rachel anywhere.
Here's this week's rankings...

5)  Jenn - I hate to say it because I really want Shane to go home this week, but it looks like Jenn is done.  She hasn't really won anything all season, so chances of her winning POV are slim and I don't think Dan is going to get Danielle to vote out Shane.

4) Shane - I don't think I've given Shane enough credit this year for how dumb he is.  Seriously, the more he talks the more you realize how stupid this guy is.  That being said, there is always the chance he pulls off a competition streak and makes it to the end.

3) Danielle - I'd put her a lot lower, but Dan has been protecting her all season long and chances are he's going to protect her right into the finals.  She doesn't deserve it and we can only hope others will show that in their votes, but I have a strong fear she walks away with this.

2) Ian - He's played a really strong game and seems to be turning on the competition switch just at the right time.  I don't think Dan wants to go up against him in the finals, so Ian is going to have to find a way to bump off Dan if he wants to win.

1) Dan - he's pretty much been running the whole season and is looking good for the finals since he seems to have a deal with everyone (at least as far as they know).  I would be really surprised if he doesn't walk away with his second victory.

Book Review: The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach (48 in 2012? #29)

     After the first 100 pages, I was ready to slam Chad Harbach's debut novel, The Art of Fielding.  Baseball is a tricky sport to write about, it can either be beautifully artistic or incredible cheesy and Harbach's baseball action fell heavily on the cheesy side.  It all felt forced, cliche and flat.  But then something slowly changed, I more time I spent with the novel's characters, the more I fell in love with them.  Characters that originally seemed one dimensional began to show depth as the story's plot lines moved further from the ball field.  And by the time Harbach wrapped up the baseball action I was on full board.  The final baseball scenes had all the action and excitement missing from the early ones, which I can only attribute to one thing, I cared.
     The Art of Fielding isn't a perfect novel, the early chapters are stiff, the plot twists are overly dramatic, but Harbach has created an engrossing world that draws you in the more you open yourself up to it.  Harbach's biggest achievement is creating characters that are easy to fall in love with and easy to root for.  On the surface many of them seem to be cliches, but the more we get to know them, the more obtuse they become.  As much as you feel you know them, they each continue to make choices that are hard to understand.  In the hands of less talented authors, hard to understand character choices tend to create a void between the material and the reader, but Harbach's characters only make you root for them more.
     The Art of Fielding is a highly pleasant read, a book anyone can pick up and enjoy whither a baseball fan or not.  More importantly, it hints at greatness to come.  This is a debut novel and shows in many ways, but its strengths suggest an extremely talented author who has a masterpiece somewhere inside.  I can't wait to read that masterpiece.

Big Brother 14 - Ian In Power

     I feel like a skipping record pointing out where this year's cast is missing the ball with their strategy.  How could we be in week 8 and the Quack Pack still hasn't figured out the best way to get Frank out is through the backdoor?  Why would you want to let Frank play in a POV?  This is the last week before everyone gets to play in the POV competitions, so don't put him on the block and take the chance that he doesn't get to play and then send him home.  If he happens to play, the results would be no different then if he had been on the block.  You need to make sure Frank goes home this week or he holds his own destiny in his hands for the rest of the game.
     That being said, Ian seems to have gained control of the house.  I'm not sure if his personality is quite strong enough, but he's in position to run things for the rest of the game.  If he gets Frank out, his only real competition is Dan.
     Here's this weeks rankings...

7) Joe - I still don't see how he could last much longer.  It's only a matter of time before he gets sent home.

6) Jenn - It kills me to rank her so low because I think she's played a very solid game, but she just doesn't have the numbers in her favor.  She'll probably only last two more weeks at most unless she finds a way to start winning competitions.

5)  Frank - This ranking kills me even more, but it's not looking good.  If he can get off the block this week, he can't play in next weeks HOH, which means he'll be on the block again and have to win another POV.  Eventually being on the block every week is going to bite him in the ass.

4)  Danielle - She's probably the worse player left, but she has a solid alliance so she's going to last longer then she should.  It also helps that she has Shane and Dan defending her at every turn.  She just might be carried into the finals by one of them and at that point anything can happen.

3)  Shane - He's a physical force but he plays the dumbest social game around.  But like Danielle, he lucked into a solid alliance that will take him further in the game then he should be.

2)  Dan - It looked like he was gone last week, but just like I said, he used the Ian info to save his ass.  Now he's back in control of things and has two alliances protecting him.  I'm not sure how the jury will vote on him, but he put himself in good position to win the whole thing yet again.

1)  Ian - It looks like he's pulling all the strings at the moment.  Granted, Dan is letting him pull those strings, but Ian has put himself in a great position and is my favorite to win at the moment.

Big Brother 14: Another Late Eviction Journal

   I'm setting new records for lateness, posting this journal after the next episode has aired, but it's going up none the less...

0:22 - OK, this hyperbole about what Dan did is just silly.  It was a great play, but far from the greatest play in the history of Big Brother.  And as far as it being a complex multi-tiered plan, it didn't have to be, the only thing that mattered was that Dan tell Frank about Ian and change Franks mind.  All the other stuff was just theatrics and didn't accomplish anything.

1:48 - How stupid do you have to be to fall for Dan's speech anyway.  Yeah, sure, he's just going to give up.  You know he has information that could keep him in the game, why would he just give up and not use that info?

2:07 - Britney had to know that Dan would go to Frank and use the Ian information to try to save himself.  She's to good a player to not have thought of this.  I can't believe that she didn't try to nip this in the bud the minute Dan went on the block.  It's her own fault when she goes home today.

4:20 - Like I said above, Dan's plan was way more elaborate then it needed to be.  That whole funeral speech didn't do anything.  All he needed to do was tell Frank about Ian and he would have gotten the same results.  Let's not give this guy more credit then he deserves.

4:51 - Come on, Julie!  The biggest comeback in the history of the game?  That statement is just plain silly.

6:50 - Don't get me wrong, Dan's move was a great game play.  He was sitting on that Ian info for weeks to be used at the right time.  His neck was on the chopping block, so he pulled it out and changed his fate in the game.  It's just that I see it more as a needed move then some amazing move that nobody saw coming.

8:55 - Shane says, "Where did Jenn come from?"  These people are really stupid.  It hurts that Danielle and Shane are going to make it far in this game without any clue about what's going on around them.

13:09 - Man, Ian is melting down big time.  I guess it hasn't been an act, he really is socially awkward.

15:14 - I don't understand Britney's argument.  And I'm pretty sure its a similar one she made when she got booted in her season.  The point of the game is to win for yourself, therefore you have to back stab somebody if you want to win.  The only person you can be playing for is yourself, unless your goal is to let someone else win the money.  You can't get bent when someone makes a move that betters there position in the game, because that's the point of the game.

16:40 - At least she can admit she rationally understands Dan made a great game move.

16:50 - Why doesn't Dan just say, "I was going home, what did you expect me to do?"  I guess one of his traits that makes him a good player is the ability to just sit there and take whatever verbal beating people want to give him.  I'd be yelling back.

21:35 - I was never a big fan of the Brigade... just saying.

30:28 - Britney goes home... she dug her own grave by not realizing that Dan was going to do whatever it takes to stay in the game.  She should have known better.

33:55 - Exactly, Britney, loyalty to Ian killed you.

41:14 - This challenge is right up Ian's avenue.  I'm saying him or Danielle pulls it off.  If Ian wins, Frank is probably going home next week.